Getting to 44 and being single and childless was not a actual life choice, I never made a decision to be in this situation.
It’s just, life happened that way. It was never the right person, the right time, I just assumed that husband and babies would be part of my life, at some point, in the future. And then, slowly, I realised I was too old to be having babies, and I no longer had the patience to deal with the BS associated with men!
It’s strange how people react to my single, childless state. Meeting new people, you always ask the standard questions:
are you married?
how many kids have you got?
Some people seem genuinely surprised by my situation, especially someone of my age.
The last ‘normal’ boyfriend relationship I had was probably about 7 years ago, and even I am beginning to think there must be something wrong with me!
A friend recently told me to go to a museum to meet single men. Her rationale was that the men you meet in a pub are likely to be drinkers, men you meet at a museum, less likely.
Well, I can’t argue with her logic, but her plan has one fatal flaw.
Should her plan succeed, I would potentially end up with someone who think it’s OK to spend their spare time wandering around museums! I would, of course, be in a pub somewhere, waiting for him to be finished!
You see, I have tried to explain this to her, but she doesn’t seem to understand that; I don’t drink, go to pubs and gigs because there is something missing from my life. Because there really isn’t.
I drink because I like going ‘out’. I like to meet new people, I like to be with old friends, I like to have a drink and I like to have a dance, and if not the pub, then there’s the joy of going to a gig, and yes, for me , that means a lot of drink , as well as the screaming, singing and dodgy dancing!
As I get older, and especially since I got past the big ‘4 0’ my social life has changed, as you would expect.
I don’t go into ‘town’ anymore if I can help it, I’m not ‘hip’ or ‘cool’, I don’t pretend to be able to be able to keep up with the ‘kids’. I prefer the more traditional pubs, with people from my own generation, playing music that I can understand! But I’m certainly not ready to start acting my age just yet! I don’t knit, or bake, or take any interest in my garden, much to my mother’s horror!
I do have moments of regret, or more accurately, pangs of panic, a sense that I ‘forgot’ to have my children, but I can’t change things now. I don’t think I would want to.
I remember feeling relieved at reaching 20, knowing I would never be a teen mum like so many of my friends – nothing wrong with it, it just wasn’t for me. I got to 30 and for a (very) short while thought I was finally old enough to consider having a child, but I was in a turbulent relationship at that point, and lived hundred’s of mile away from home in London. I was mid 30’s by the time I got out of the situation and moved closer to home.
I never went through the stir crazy stages of desperation that some of my friends went through, rushing through their 30’s in a state of sheer terror that time was running out for them to meet their perfect men and have some babies.
So, no babies – but a life full of love, laughter, friends and music, with a little help from a glass or two of cider!
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